BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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