I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
