Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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