I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
