Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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