Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The feeling are messing with the penis
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
