I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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