I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I want to fling myself into the sun
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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