It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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