He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
