you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He did a backflip because drugs
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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