I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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