Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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