Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
