This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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