i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
