Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
