my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
