well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
