you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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