i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
