i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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