Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
