you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
