Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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