I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
