The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
