She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
