I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
