I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just googled if crying burns calories
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
