I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
