I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
