She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
