Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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