Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
