I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
