Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
