So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
