Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
