john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
