Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
