why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
