she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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