hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
