You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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