i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
