One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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