I look better un-naked...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
