tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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