Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
