biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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