I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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