i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
