I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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