i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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