y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
