Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
