I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
